My guess is that all of us, even though it can be frighteningly vulnerable, want to be seen for who we truly are.
More than our accomplishments. Much more than our failures. A hundred times more than our most embarrassing actions, thoughts, or statements. We want to be seen as our true identity - made in the image of the Divine.
Admittedly, we might not know ourselves what that is. Identity is much more malleable than we imagined. We’ve all been bruised and battered by the storms on the great sea that we lost sight of where we were going. We’ve all had things said to us that chipped away at the granite of self-worth, diminishing the glorious sculpture of who we hoped we were. We’ve all had our hearts broken so deeply that we believed we couldn’t be Humpty Dumptied back together again.
Mary Magdalen is said to have been one who had seven demons cast out of her, which is to say, for an extended amount of time, she was not herself. She did not have the faculty to take control. She did not have the where with all to curb the lies, gossip, and labeling of her name in the community she found herself. She became one who was put on hold from her innate dignity.
It is no accident that she was the first one at the tomb that morning. She deeply missed The One who dignified who she really was. The One who released her of a destructive possession. The One who called her back to herself. The one who knew her name.
Maybe this is why when the men looked into the tomb they only saw dirty laundry, but when Mary looked into the tomb she saw angels, because she was not unfamiliar with being able to see in the dark.
Mary was chosen to see the Risen One first because she had the courage to look for life in the grave, for light in the dark. It is only one who understands that the darkness cannot overcome the light who is willing to look for light in the darkest of dark human experiences. Authority never comes through what you are adjacent to. Authority is rooted in what you have gone through.
Mary is known as the Apostle to the Apostles. The first resurrection preacher. The first to proclaim that the grave is not the end. She was the one chosen to preach this resurrection message because the authority to proclaim light in the midst of our ultimate dark must come from one who has gone through the transforming love of God.
May you SEE that you have been given authority in what you have gone through.
This image and meditation are from my series The Stations of the Resurrection, a visual and written art show contemplating the mystery of the resurrection of Jesus and what that even means for us.
* This post was inspired by Nadia Bolz-Weber’s sermon at Rachel Held Evans funeral.
**also… denial of women preachers is not only unbiblical, but is completely rooted in toxic masculinity and destructive patriarchy. What’s the difference between listening and learning from say Brene Brown on a podcast versus a pulpit you bought at a store? There is no difference. Just the grasping of power that leads to spiritual poverty.